August 23, 2004

Too Much to Title

By: Marty Coultas
Milwaukeeworld.com
MartyCoultas@Yahoo.com

Welcome back Milwaukeeworlders. Yet again we had a week of BS in the world of professional sports. Not only did our Milwaukee Brewers choke it up for the freakin 17th time in 21 attempts Sunday, but the Packers who played two games in six days looked about as sad and foolish as George Bush on September 11, 2001. Remember the school? Remember the book? If not, it’s too funny and too sad to explain, so just read on.

Too much happening, too little time. Baseball (sort of), football, the Olympics and lots, lots, lots, and lots more. So overwhelming but so much fun.

Seems as if our Wisconsin native son, Paul Hamm was the beneficiary of some faulty judging the other night in Athens. In retrospect, he should have been awarded second place, not first. The judges have said they are sorry but that there is nothing they can do to change the results. I happen to agree with that decision. Not because it is favorable to Hamm, he worked hard and won a contest that is subjectively judged. How are any of us to know why the judges awarded the scores that they did. Sure, there are supposed to be guidelines but they are supposed to have them in boxing and skating and other sports too and how often have we all wondered what the judges were thinking when the scores were announced? I have seen Olympic-boxing matches that were just a joke. Where one guy beat the living crap out of the other and lost. I have seen numerous times where some unknown skater was way better than the more famous competitors and gotten a score way below the score awarded to the more famous person. It is the nature of subjectively judged sports that mistakes are made, prejudgments are expected, and politics is imminently discernible.

So I am sure that if the judges had given a higher degree of difficulty for the routine to the man from Korea, they would simply have awarded higher scores to Hamm to make up for the higher degree of difficulty. If they were to begin reviewing the stuff on videotape every time an athlete or coach complained, there would be way more bitching and moaning than any of us could handle. SERIOUSLY. Nonetheless, our boy from Waukesha is a fabulous athlete and we should all be really proud of Paul and his brother Morgan and all that they have done for the sport of gymnastics and for their country and for the state of Wisconsin. I am really impressed.

Looks like the USA will win two medals in beach volleyball, both by the women’s teams. Misty May has made a remarkable recovery from her injuries and she and Kerrie Walsh are the best team on the beach. My hat is also off to Holly McPeak and Elaine Youngs, who are also undefeated. Especially Holly. Back when I was a kid in the 80’s and early 90”s following the beach volleyball tour, I thought Holly McPeak was an elder statesman for the women. She was just a kid herself, now she is knocking on the door for an Olympic medal. Hats off to her. As I predicted, the men’s teams suffered an early exit although Dax Holdren and Stein Metzger went further than they had a right to go and they did it due to hustle and hard work. I am proud of them.

I will have to admit, I went into the Olympic-swimming contest not wanting to like Michael Phelps. I thought he was probably more hype than substance and the more I saw him in advertising and promotions the stronger my conviction became. But, alas, I was wrong. Even with all the hype, he has still exceeded the hype with his outstanding performance. Plus he was magnanimous in victory, a good teammate and kept everything in perspective. I don’t know how much, if any of the million that Speedo promised him for seven golds he will actually get, but whatever it is, he deserves it. I am now a fan.

And for those of you who don’t know it, Gary Hall, Jr. is the real deal. They told him he was too sick in Sydney and he won. They told him he was too old in Athens and he won. He is the fastest swimmer alive and maybe the fastest to ever swim. Go, Gary,Go.

I wrote last week that Mike (the moron) Sherman needs to get over himself and come to terms with Mike McKenzie. Sure, we have a new attitude on defense and there will be a lot more aggressive behavior and Sharper will be released more for active duty now that Mark Roman is here to take some pressure off him. We will have a new look for the D line and KGB can do more because of new routines from Cletidus Hunt and Grady Jackson but what about ignoring that huge freakin elephant in the room?

What elephant is that Marty? Oh, you know, it is the one at the corner where McKenzie used to shut people down and yielded two long receptions over Michael Hawthorne and umpteen penalties for the rookies Carroll and Thomas.

What good will it do to turn Sharper loose if he has to cover up for the mistakes of the corners? And if you think that Sherman makes good judgments all the time, then you haven’t looked too closely at B. J. Sander and Tim Couch, two of Sherman’s “great ideas.” And of course there is his decision to punt in the Philly playoff game on fourth and one foot. When the two Mikes return from vacation to the offensive line, we will be an awesome scoring machine but we are weak defensively and we need all the help we can get. We already have the answer for the problem; we just have to come to “terms” with it.

And for you golfing enthusiasts, after failing for the 47th time in 48 majors last week, Phil Mickelson really puked it up this week. I am keeping an eye on Phil, Ernie and Vijay so we can keep a tally of their failure to win. I don’t want Tiger to be the only one who has that statistic being kept on his performance.

With that said, and yes I know it was a lot of information packed into a small amount of words, I just cannot bring myself to continue writing about all of the BS and I cannot stress BS enough. Over the past seven days since we last met, I have found myself more interested in watching paint dry and scratching my fingernails over the chalkboard in my office.

I am so sick and tired of these professional athletes whining like freakin children about money and endorsements and playing time and blah blah blah blah blah. Get a life people and take a lesson from the greatest sports team in the freakin world, the USA Womens Softball squad. Work really hard, respect your teammates and yourselves, and give it every thing that you have got when you show up on Game Day. No one and I do mean NO ONE wants to hear your so-called “problems” any longer.

You get paid to do something that most of us do as a GD HOBBY! Go home and bitch to your spouses or your family. Bitch to whomever you like, just shut your big fat over-freakin-paid mouths to the media. We are so tired of your BS. In fact, so tired that if I hear one more comment about salary and “teamwork” I am going to seriously consider another profession. There has to be something out there where I would not have to listen to all the freakin drama that I do in this line of work. I am beat. Take a lesson from the best team in all of sports, the USA Women’s Softball Team. They respect one another and their opponents, they work hard and they never ever leave anything in the locker room. Their success should speak for itself but I am sure that the whiners will continue to whine.

Until we meet again, remember that not everything in sports is so irritating and irrational. There are some games that the players actually respect their sport. Granted, I am not sure yet exactly what they are, but when I find out, I promise Milwaukeeworlders, you will be the first to know.

Ciao,
Marty the “FREAKIN” Sports Chick........ (SuSu, that’s for you.)
Milwaukeeworld.com
MartyCoultas@yahoo.com

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