JESSICA SIMPSON MASK 2008: CHEESEHEAD REVISITED

"NO MORE PINK JERSEYS FOR ME!" Jessica Exclaims
Cover Girl Love Exposed in Song, Bad Poetry
Milwaukeeworld Cannot "Mask" its Affection for "Yoko Romo"

Special to the Readers of Milwaukeeworld.com

By Michael Horne

and the Milwaukee World Hound Dog Team

The Green Bay Packers [2-0] will host the Dallas Cowboys [2-0] in Week 3 of 2008 NFL action Sunday, September 21st, 2008 at 7:15 p.m.
Wisconsin native Tony Romo will quarterback for the visitors from Texas, while his muse, Jessica Simpson, might be hovering in the wings of Lambeau Field, angel-like.
Simpson appeared on the cover of People Magazine on August 28th, 2008, exclaiming in 24-point type, "HOW I FOUND LOVE AGAIN," and, in relatively small print, "Why Tony Romo is the love of my life."
"I just told him today, 'You're the love of my life.' I don't really say that to anybody," she effused to the magazine. "I just love so I don't understand when people can't do exactly what I do," she added, to the exasperation of psychologists who thought they had plunged the depths of this woman's complex persona, only to find another chamber of passion and emotion unexplored, except by Number Nine himself.
However, being in love and on the cover of People is hardly a distinction among a certain set -- the only thing more commonplace are front page stories about their breakups. You can ask Prince Charles and Sir Paul McCartney about that.
However, like Sir Paul, Jessica's got the songwriting virus, and although he penned a tune for his ex-wife Heather Mills in which he expressed sorrow that she had not owned up to her past as a high-priced hooker, Jessica casts her lover more in the light of God Himself, in her song, "You're My Sunday," released on September 9th, 2008, or "lucky number nine," as she put it, since Tony wears Number Nine, she explained.

Here is a sample of the lyrics:

Don't you love waking up and don't have to rush 'cause you ain't got much to do Lay in bed with the TV on all day long if you wanted to You spend so much time worried bout whats coming up next Can't even find a little room a little space Even catch a breath When life is like a hurricane Flying off the rails like a fast train Everything around me is so insane You come and take it all away You're my Sunday You show up right on time Just when I need to take it slow It's a mystery how easily you found the key That always brings me home You have a way of taking The noise and drowning it out I don't know what I would do If I woke up and you were not around

I ask you, Dear Reader, if there is anything more sublime in the history of romantic poetry than the image of Tony Romo "taking ... the noise ... and drowning it out?" How does he do that? By screaming at the top of his lungs while he "lay in bed with the TV on all day long?" To make matters even worse, the song is in the Country - Western format.

Therefore, to atone for the corruption of the boy from Chocolate City by the Seductress of Song, who made her Grand Ole Opry debut last week barely clad, who introduced her country album to a Nashville audience of 200 by saying, "If I throw up, I'm sorry," and who swore never, ever again to wear a pink #9 jersey because it could jinx her lover, Milwaukeeworld is proud to present the 2008 Jessica Simpson Cut-Out Mask, Green Bay Packers Edition.